I vividly remember the day I saw this paradigm-shifting bumper sticker. During my 15-year commute, I never paid much attention to my surroundings — other than the proverbial reckless driver seeking to make up time. One morning, as I was idling behind a compact car pockmarked with political bumper stickers, one sticker — “Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition” — stood out. Wow! This statement was a direct affront to the male ego.
My reactions ranged from a smirk, to a shrug and finally to a smile. I got it. The message was clear. Your benchmark is what you become. As men, we have been conditioned to think and believe that we are worthy of emulation. The reality is that women know better. Still, in a society replete with “isms,” sexism remains the most intractable and socially acceptable ‘ism.’ Excuse the pun, but sexism is the mother of all ‘isms.’
Now imagine being a black female — standing at that dangerous intersection of racism and sexism.
We men take for granted our societal advantages over women. At some deep level, even those of us who might consider ourselves enlightened and progressive, are still creatures of our social programming. Too often, this powerful social programming overrides our rational mind.
Think about the background role women were relegated to in the Civil Rights struggle. These women did more than cook and nurse men back to health. The women also marched, boycotted and were beaten as much as the men. Still, it was men who were at the microphone and mostly featured in the newsreels. As men, we must remain vigilant against the sex-role stereotyping that limits a girl’s aspirations. We easily accept the women’s role in the home. However, too often this homemaker role is restricted to the things that men have been taught are primarily a woman’s task.
Yet, mom is acknowledged to be a master at multitasking. She makes or influences the key decisions regarding family affairs and finances — while ensuring that the male feels like he made or green-lighted the decision.
A case in point is a scene from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. In the movie, the daughter says that her father, as head of household, refused to support her aspiration to attend college. The powerful mother figure tells the daughter not to worry because “he may be the head, but I am the neck and the neck turns the head.”
So given a woman’s leadership role at home, why is her ability to make decisions in business and politics still suspect?
My answer is that men, worldwide, suffer from a uniquely social disease — call it male-pattern amnesia. Under the grip of this peculiar type of amnesia, we forget that a woman raised us, takes care of us, and daily makes key decisions that impact our lives. We forget that, more often than not, it was she who disciplined us; that she can be tough and decisive; that she is bright and resourceful.
Perhaps, most critically, we forget that those so-called homemaker skills (a combination of soft and hard) are transferable.
Therefore, I would submit that, given the right opportunities, the same woman getting you ready for work would be more than capable of running a corporation, a state or country. The limitation she will face is not in her genes, but, too often, imposed on her gender.
No matter how far we men have come in our respect and understanding of women, we still remain ‘recovering sexists.’
