From the musical “Red Side Story,” with affection for, and apologies to, Stephen Sondheim and “Officer Krupke.” Written with May 1 in mind:
(Reds, sung)
Dear kindly Oligarchy,
You gotta understand,
It’s just our bringin’ up-ke
That gets us out of hand.
Our fathers read Red Rosa,
Our mothers favored Che.
One per-centers, what is there to say!
Gee, Capitalistas, we’re very upset;
You never show the love that ev’ry child oughta get.
We ain’t no delinquents;
You’ve misunderstood.
From deep down inside us, we’re all good!
We are good, we are good,
We are untapped good!
From top to bottom, we are good!
(Capitalistas, spoken)
That’s a touchin’ good story.
(Reds, spoken)
We’ll tell it to the world!
(Capitalistas, spoken)
Just tell it to the judge.
(Reds, sung)
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,
The Oligarchy’s rough!
With all their looted booty,
They just won’t share the stuff.
They only wanna screw us,
So yeah, we’re pissed off Reds.
Gol dang Gene Debs, fightin’ ready Reds!
(Judge, sung)
Right!
Capitalistas, you really are square,
These Reds don’t need no judge to agitate socialist care!
They’ve got no neuroses that need to be cured.
They’re wealth-disparity disturbed!
(Reds, sung)
We’re disturbed, we’re disturbed,
We are most disturbed!
We are wealth disparity disturbed!
(Judge, spoken)
In my opinion, these Reds don’t need a judge at all.
Capitalism is purely a social disease.
(Reds, spoken)
Hey, we suffer social disease!
(Judge, spoken)
So bring on your comrades!
(Reds, sung)
Gee, Capitalistas,
Get down on your knees,
‘Cause no one likes a system spreadin’ social disease!
Gee, Capitalistas,
What should we do?
Gee, Capitalistas,
Screw You!
Celebrate May Day! Agitate class awareness, embrace internationalism, promote solidarity forever!
Tom Broderick
Oak Park
